sitting still.

there are some things that i am good at. sitting still is not one of them. i’ve had a lot of practice over the last few months, but i’m still not very good at it.

while i was in guatemala, we had a lot of down-time. because of the neighborhood we lived in, it wasn’t safe for us to walk anywhere- especially after dark. so that meant many hours of sitting and talking, sitting and reading, sitting and doing sudoku, sitting and doing nothing in the evenings. that was hard for me, but i learned to be ok with it. ironically, i came home and was very excited to have the freedom to GO and to DO again. the snow had other ideas. i’ve been mostly house-bound for the last week and i am back to sitting and reading, sitting and baking, sitting and talking, sitting and facebooking, sitting and applying for jobs. it’s still hard.

i don’t know if it’s because of the culture of do-go-do-go-fix-create that i live in, if it’s my lack of patience, if it’s human nature, or a newly developed restlessness that causes it. i have a suspicion that it’s all of these.

at any rate, i’m trying to learn to be okay with this time or [gasp!] even learn to appreciate it. i’m sure that once the holiday season ends, i get settled into my [as of yet unknown] career, and life happens around me, i will look back on these days and wonder why i didn’t enjoy the time to rest. so maybe i’ll do my future self a favor and try to enjoy it so i can eliminate the regret in a few months.

hah, right.

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