a franciscan blessing.

may God bless you with discomfort: at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships; so that you may live deep within your heart.

may God bless you with anger: at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people; so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

may God bless you with tears: to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war; so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.

and may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world; so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

nph/foto on youtube!

i found the promo video for friends of the orphans/nuestros pequeños hermanos on youtube!

if you have 10 minutes and want to learn more about the place where i work, check it out. it’s neat.

new.

it’s been awhile since i’ve written anything.

life looks a lot different than it did a month ago, and in very exciting ways. it’s funny– so many times over the last year, people have talked me through borderline-hyperventaliting-freaking-out moments and have told me to trust that things would work out. that taking risks would lead to something better than i could imagine and better than i could reach by taking safe steps. i didn’t believe them.

during my last few weeks in guate, i started the job search process. by the time the beginning of january had come around, i had submitted more than 20 applications for jobs. some were with jobs that i was excited about, for organizations that i cared about or whose mission statements sounded exciting to me. others were for places that sounded neat but that i didn’t really connect with. one was perfect.

i got the perfect job.

in the middle of january, i started working for friends of the orphans, the US-based fundraising and awareness branch of a network of homes for children living in poverty across latin america and the caribbean. i’m working in bellevue with people who i love, serving a population that i care deeply about, using the organizational skills that i’ve gained through my previous jobs. i’m going to mexico next month to meet with people from our other US offices, to plan for how to better serve our kids, to visit one of the homes, and to eat tres leches cake for my birthday. i laugh on my way to work every day. i cry at work– but with the same kind of excitement that made me cry in guate. i look at little faces with wiggly teeth and sticky fingers [pictures now, instead of in person]. i can’t tell someone what i do without getting a stupid grin on my face.

i moved two weeks ago, into an apartment that i adore, with my best friend, in the middle of seattle. i live in a cute little apartment over a cute little coffee shop in a cute old building in a cute little neighborhood. we’re nesting. it’s fun.

i’m in chicago this weekend.

i love where i am– which is funny, considering that i was terrified of where i would be.

it feels like spring.

25 things.

so there’s this trend on facebook right now of people creating lists of 25 things about themselves. the idea is that you tag 25 people and then they are obligated to create their own list. i find it kind of silly in a chain-letter-forwarded-email-jump-on-the-internet-bandwagon kind of way. but i am a sucker for a good internet trend, apparently, and created my list. here it is:

1. i have a recent obsession with miniature farm animals. actual living ones, not some sort of ceramic miniatures. pygmy goats, pennywell mini-pigs, miniature donkeys…everything except miniature horses. i don’t like full-sized horses, so i guess it makes sense that the little ones freak me out too.

2. i wish there was a way to split myself in three pieces: one to stay in seattle, one to stay in bellingham, and one to travel around latin america for the rest of my life. i love all three places too much to decide where to keep my one self.

3. my best friend and i have the same name. sometimes we both forget this and it is a surprise when someone says “megan” and is not talking to us.

4. i have fears that i know are irrational but that i haven’t been able to overcome. to name a few: feet, butterflies, and losing my teeth.

5. my favorite word in english is juxtaposition. my favorite word in spanish is a three-way tie between burbuja, tiburon, and aplaudi.

6. i have a lot of shoes. when i moved into the residence halls my freshman year, i had several boxes filled with shoes. my parents still make fun of me for this.

7. i am often afraid that i have a serious illness that hasn’t yet been diagnosed. in fourth grade, i was convinced that i had thyroid cancer for the better part of a month. it started because i was thirsty- my friend’s mom had been diagnosed with thyroid cancer and one of her [many] symptoms was increased thirstiness.

8. i frequently enjoy an album [or an artist] only until too many other people start to like it. then i reject it until it is a little less trendy. i know this is kind of snobby, but it’s 90% subconscious. so you can only blame me 10%.

9. there are some inanimate objects in this world that have the power to make me angry, simply because of the way they look. a few examples:
-sandals like this: http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41E17lf3-0L._SL500_.jpg
-the motorola pebble: http://www.fone-angel.co.uk/angel/images/items/U6.JPG
-backpacks like this: http://mjjshop.com/shop/images/MJminibackpack.jpg
please note: if you possess any of these objects, i do not think any less of you. i just do not like your object. i’m sorry. i hope we can still be friends.

10. i have made it a life goal to never drink beer from a can. i figure there is no beer that comes only in a can that is worth drinking.

11. when i was about 8 years old, i convinced my sister [who was 3 at the time] that she had two older sisters. the other sister was my twin, maryanne [named for the character in the babysitters’ club]. i would leave the room, change clothes, come back, and not respond when my sister would call me megan.

12. i have a to-do list for life. it’s long. i think i add more things than i cross off each year. a few entries: name a crayola crayon, hug a monkey, make a salad entirely from my own garden, go to the olympics [as an observer].

13. given the choice between roller skating and doing just about anything else, i would choose roller skating.

14. sometimes i’m afraid that other people will think i have failed if i do not go into teaching. i’m a little hypersensitive about it, and sometimes i think that people are judging me for looking at other options. i fully acknowledge that this is mostly in my head.

15. i own ‘the miracle of life’ on dvd. in case you don’t know, ‘the miracle of life’ is the documentary that follows the reproductive cycle from a single sperm to the birth of a baby. it’s fascinating.

16. when i was in 6th grade, my family and i hit a patch of black ice while driving across stevens pass. the accident should have been much worse than it was- we narrowly escaped being hit by two semi trucks and hit a guard rail that stopped us from going over a very large cliff. to this day, i close my eyes and pray when i cross that stretch of highway 2. i also hate driving in snow.

17. i have skied for 10 years, and am perfectly content to be-bop down blue runs. i can ski something harder than that, but would rather just play on the groomed stuff.

18. i would give just about anything to be able to swim with a manatee in the wild.

19. if i could eat only cheese, avocados, and bread for the rest of my life without becoming horrifically unhealthy, i think i would.

20. i sincerely hope and pray that guatemala re-opens adoptions to the u.s. before i am ready to have children. i want my babies to be guatemalan.

21. i think it would be fun to have a pet fish. unfortunately, i am disgusted by the way that fish flop around when you scoop them in the little net to move them while their tanks are cleaned. i am afraid that if i had a fish i would never take care of it properly because i would be so horrified by the flopping.

22. i played the viola for 6 years. i have no idea if i still know how, but every time i see someone else playing a stringed instrument i wish i could try [but only if nobody was around to listen]. i miss the smell of rosin.

23. amy and i spent 76.5 hours playing nertz while we were in guatemala. we kept score. amy: 14,021. megan: 14,451. that’s a lot of nertz. we have a stats sheet that i know nobody but us will ever care about. but we care a lot.

24. i judge numbers based on the following: pointy numbers are always worse than round numbers. the more factors a number has, the better it is [and therefore, prime numbers are basically evil]. multiples of 5 are better than anything else. evens are better than odds [unless they are multiples of 5]. arrangements of 3 objects are acceptable, but generally speaking numbers that end in 3 are not. multiples of 11 are acceptable, with the exception of 77 because it is just too pointy. the number 17 is worse than all others because a) it is pointy, b) it is prime, and c) it just looks mean.

25. i have never had the chickenpox, broken a bone, or been hospitalized. i’d like to keep it that way.

sitting still.

there are some things that i am good at. sitting still is not one of them. i’ve had a lot of practice over the last few months, but i’m still not very good at it.

while i was in guatemala, we had a lot of down-time. because of the neighborhood we lived in, it wasn’t safe for us to walk anywhere- especially after dark. so that meant many hours of sitting and talking, sitting and reading, sitting and doing sudoku, sitting and doing nothing in the evenings. that was hard for me, but i learned to be ok with it. ironically, i came home and was very excited to have the freedom to GO and to DO again. the snow had other ideas. i’ve been mostly house-bound for the last week and i am back to sitting and reading, sitting and baking, sitting and talking, sitting and facebooking, sitting and applying for jobs. it’s still hard.

i don’t know if it’s because of the culture of do-go-do-go-fix-create that i live in, if it’s my lack of patience, if it’s human nature, or a newly developed restlessness that causes it. i have a suspicion that it’s all of these.

at any rate, i’m trying to learn to be okay with this time or [gasp!] even learn to appreciate it. i’m sure that once the holiday season ends, i get settled into my [as of yet unknown] career, and life happens around me, i will look back on these days and wonder why i didn’t enjoy the time to rest. so maybe i’ll do my future self a favor and try to enjoy it so i can eliminate the regret in a few months.

hah, right.

coming home.

well, i’ve been home for over a week now.

i’m settling back into life here. it is cold. apparently 6 months of summer has weakened my already pathetic ability to withstand the cold, so i whine more than usual about my freezing fingertips and facial features. but that’s ok. i get to spend a lot of time with the people i love and who i missed so much while i was gone.

friends are streaming back to spend the holidays in the northwest. that makes me excited.

the job search continues. i turned in my 20th application today. keep your fingers crossed that something comes through soon. i can only handle so much downtime [soon i will be all caught up on the tv shows i missed while i was gone!]

on the road again.

well…we’re on our way again.

mike will be here (seteca) to pick us up in less than an hour.

amy’s flight leaves at 1.

my flight leaves at 8.

i will be home tomorrow morning at 10:30.

i sure do love airports and airplanes (except not at all).

see you soon!

despedidas.

we said goodbye today.

to the teachers at casita who had become our mentors and like family.
to the kids who stole my heart.
to the place where we’ve spent the last two months.
to the dishes that we dry each afternoon.
to the wall that is freshly painted.
to the halls that we’ve heard reverberate with screams and laughter, tears and conversation.

it was hard but it was beautiful. when we first got there, loida asked us to wait in the entranceway. after about 15 minutes, dámaris came and brought us into the building where the kids were all waiting at tables and a paper train led up to the front of the room. we followed behind eva and daniela, dressed in typica and dancing to a traditional song and were led to the seats of honor. we were presented with cards stamped with the kids hands and a framed thank you card. the kids sang and danced for us. mike was brought to the front of the room and we sang happy birthday. we ate. and ate and ate and ate. (tostadas and tres leches and pancho. oh my yumminess.)

we spent the morning playing with our kids. then we said goodbye. there were a lot of hugs, and lot of warm wishes, a lot of tears.

during lunch, daniela turned to me with a mouth full of spaghetti and asked, “seño…nos quiere mucho?” (do you love us a lot?). i answered with “muchisimo.” more than a lot.

as we were walking out of the building, josé chased me down, clung to my leg and said he loved me. i hate leaving him. i hate leaving all of them.

we have one last weekend here at SETECA. we’re spending monday, tuesday, and wednesday out at panajachel, a touristy but apparently breathtaking town out on lake atitlán. we’ll pack thursday and be on our way on friday. i’ll be home next saturday. i don’t know where the time went.

thanksgiving.

to continue a tradition.

this thanksgiving (eve), i am thankful for:
1. the time i have spent here.
2. my stomach’s newfound strength that allows me to eat yummy pupusas from a hole in the wall pupusería without getting sick.
3. josé’s giggle.
4. rocio’s squeals.
5. diego’s monster noises (and that i got video of him trying to say ‘naranja’ today).
6. the teachers and staff and students who have taught me to love to teach again.
7. amy.
8. estuardo, césar, marvin, and mayra.
9. the glicks and the way they have welcomed us into their family.
10. the family i get to go home to in 10 days.
11. the fact that i had a long, in-depth conversation with amy, estuardo, and marvin last night and didn’t remember to worry about my spanish.
12. my friends who i get to see very, very soon.
13. augusten burroughs (rapidly becoming my new favorite author).
14. craig’s list. it’s allowing me to at least pretend that i am making progress in a job search (10 applications down, hopefully not too many more to go before someone hires me…)
15. the last bit of sunshine that i get to enjoy before heading back to december in the northwest.

speaking of…

speaking of funny things…you should probably read amy’s description of lunchtime yesterday. it was funny too.

http://amyseebeck.blogspot.com/